H u r t i n g
by moonlightangel1
Summary: Hmm...my first R fic...It's because of...a lot of angst. It's a Tomoyo angst fic. Not a happy ending. Oh, Sakura/Syaoran, too. Read and Review!


h u r t i n g   
a/n: sigh. okay, i'm starting to go deep with the angst fics. it's *of course* a tomoyo angst fic. it's s+s...not a happy ending. ^ . ~ so yah.   
r&r!!!!!!!  
  
My life looked easy to most people. What, with my camera and recording. But actually it never was. I always put on a joyful smile plastered on my face just to pretend everything was gonna be okay. But it never was.  
It started with my best friend Sakura. She was so awesome. I loved to record her captures with the Clow Cards. She grew more and more mature each time with her captures. She had this little companion whom I loved, called Kero. He was cool, but didn't get along with a person who I'll mention later. Kero was the guardian of the cards and gave Sakura advice. All I did was record the captures.  
Then came a boy, called Syaoran. He was pretty cute, but really arrogant. He didn't like Sakura at first. And one time, when Sakura was capturing a card, he came out. He was another card captor. They really became arch enemies.  
Then there was Mei Lin. Cousin of Syaoran. They were Chinese, and in the tradition, cousins married. She bugged Syaoran for a while and she was pretty arrogant, too. She never liked Sakura, till later. She wasn't a card captor, but she did know about the cards and the magic.   
My anger began when I began to notice my best friend's lil crush on some high school guy. He was a dork, anyway. Why did she like him? He wasn't worth her attention...but then I thought {Why am I jealous? Why do I care if Sakura likes him..?}   
Soon after, her crush faded out and she started to get close to Syaoran. The two started to get inseperable. Kero just rolled his eyes at the thought and I just put on the fakest smile...but Sakura was soooo naíve. So was Kero, she hated to admit. Then one night...  
" Kero, stop!" I whined.  
Kero was trying to get a closer view. Syaoran and Sakura were at the park, sitting on the swings. I had my camera rolling and Kero was blocking out the pair.   
" Sorry! But I wanna see what they're gonna do." Kero hissed.  
" Fine, I'll just go closer." I snapped.  
I crept toward, carrying my camera slowly. I stepped behind a tree. It was night, around 9:40 p.m. I began to record again, when I got a seriously close view.  
" ...So that's what happened." Syaoran was saying.  
" Wow. I'm so sorry, Syaoran." Sakura kicked the sand.  
" You know, Sakura. You're not all that bad." Syaoran grumbled.  
Sakura's expression seemed to have brightened. " Really?"   
" Yeah. In fact, I uh..." his face turned red.  
" Go on." Sakura leaned forward till her face was inches from him.  
That's when I realized what was gonna happened. I braced myself, though my hands were trembling the camera.   
" I...I..." but instead of uttering the words his lips met Sakura's.  
I couldn't take the pain. The camera dropped and I tured and ran, crying. I don't know why I was crying. I couldn't cry. It was just so unlike me. In fact, the feelings I felt towards Sakura were growing larger each day I saw her face, heard her voice.  
After a week, Sakura and our other friends seemed to have gotten closer. When there was a card to be captured, I ran to the scene with my camera...only to find someone else there. She had a different best friend, now. She got together with Syaoran after the night and they were inseperable.When that began, I knew why I cried. I was in love with her.   
I tried going up to Sakura at school but she was so deep in conversation she either didn't see me or she was ignoring me. Then I tried speaking to my other friends. But they ignored me and waved me off. I was so confused. I spoke to Sakura some times, but she always looked off and said 'Well, gotta go.' She never hung out with me, anymore.  
I tried talking to Syaoran. He listened, but just told me,  
" People change, Tomoyo. I'm sorry to say this, but it looks like your's and Sakura's friendship have faded out."  
I hated that.But still I tried. And most of the time, Sakura cried  
" Of course you're my best friend. I'd never abandon you."  
Liar. I actually believed her words. We made plans and reservations at places but she ditched me. I asked her about it the next day and she just said 'Whoops, I forgot.Sorry.' Then one day, she came up to me, really angry.  
" Hey! I heard you think I'm a bitch, Tomoyo!" she shouted in my face.  
" What are you talking about?"  
" You're spreading rumors 'bout me! That I SLEEP AROUND! For goodness sake, I'm only 12, you..."   
" That's not true! Sakura, I would never do that!" I yelled back. I was so hurt by her cruel words.  
" Whatever."   
A day later, she started a fight with me. I got suspended for three weeks. After those three weeks, Sakura realized the rumors weren't spread by me. But she still ignored me and gave me the cruelest looks ever. It was horrible. She had changed. But I couldn't accept the fact that she did. Where was the sweet, happy Sakura I used to know?  
Gone. Forever. I curled up once and began to sob into the floor. I loved her and she had had abandoned me. I was hanging by a thread. Sakura used to be there. She was my support...my best friend. But that all changed. After another year of frustration and torture, on the last day of school I was hurt.  
I couldn't go outside, cause I had bruises and scratches on my body, because of attempted suicide. I was horrible. So I knew what I had to do, to free myself from the torture. But this time it'd be different. I wasn't going to fail. I stumbled to the kitchen and pulled out a knife.  
I ran back to my room and locked the door. I grabbed my camera and burnt the film that I had stored with a lighter I grabbed from the counter. Goodbye, Card Captor Sakura and my wonderful Kero. Goodbye. Then I took the lighter and held the blade of the knife over the flame.   
I heard that if you let the flames heat the blade, it would cut through easier. After that I set the lighter down. Then I took the blade and held it over my wrist. And lowered the jagged blade. I tilted my head back and felt the teeth tear at my skin and blood began to flow.  
It hurt, and so I screamed. There was pounding at my door and yelling but I ignored it. I looked down to see the blood staining my uniform dress. I stopped and put the blade over my other wrist. This time I didn't wait. I jabbed it into my wrist and I felt the blade dig into my bone. I screamed but still I pushed the blade deeper and deeper.  
The blood flowed faster this time, and the other wrist was still flowing some more blood. I was beginning to lose a lot more blood but still I pushed...and pushed and pushed. Till I fell forward on my chin. I was beginning to numb from the pain. I could barely even feel it. Tears spilled over my cheeks as I remembered the jouyous and painful memories.  
" Goodbye, Mom and Dad (does she have a dad??)." I mumbled, as the pounding on the door grew heavier. " I love you."   
" Sakura..." I groaned as my vision blurred, forming a picture of pretty Sakura. " I...I love you."   
And as my vision faded out, I began to hear the words I so long wanted to hear. But they weren't real. If only they were.  
" I love you, too. Tomoyo." Sakura's voice whispered.  
I began to sob. And the more I stared at the Sakura form, the more my vision became duller...and duller. That's when I couldn't feel the pain anymore...I heard my door being broken down and I felt a hand in mine and I heard HER voice.  
" TOMOYO!" she screamed.  
I opened my eyes, to see a really dark image...Sakura...She was sobbing.  
" I'm so sorry, Tomoyo!"   
I blinked and felt tears streak down my cheeks, like hot stinging trails.   
" Don't die on me, Tomoyo!"   
I was out of it...but with the last of my life left, I struggled to reply,  
" I love you, Sakura."  
Everything went black.   
  
a/n: gawd, what a crappy ending. it was sad, ne? u got n-e compliments? no flames, pleaze. my first, cc fic. & yeah, i am a fan of eriol/tomoyo, and syaoran/sakura. but, so what if tomoyo does seem to have a crush on sakura? they do make a lil' cute yuri coupling...^.~ review!   



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